Why Your Coping Skills Aren’t Working

Written By Tom McCready
 
A man meditating outside in a serene natural setting, embodying mindfulness and inner peace. This image highlights the significance of meditation, self-reflection, and mental well-being, often promoted by t to enhance emotional health and resilience.
 
“Do yoga. Go for a walk. Meditate.”
— Every therapist in existence

You tried yoga. You went for a walk. You already meditated.

So why don’t you feel better?

Because coping skills don’t address the root of the problem.

Sure, coping skills temporarily alleviate stress and depression, but they don’t fix what’s causing the stress and depression. So problems come back… again… and again… aaaand you get the point.

 
Shawn Spencer from "Psych" doing yoga, illustrating the balance of mental and physical well-being. This highlights the importance of mindfulness, stress relief, and self-care practices, often encouraged by a male therapist in mental health therapy.
 

 

Coping skills are additive. Meaning, nothing in your life truly changes- you just add a new activity to the status quo. For example, you still hate your job but now you do kick-boxing after work.

Sure, you’ll feel better after kick-boxing but the relief will be short-lived because the next morning you’ll get up and go right back to the job you hate.

 
A GIF of Tom "Parks and Recreation" saying it didn’t work. This can highlight themes of self-awareness, learning from mistakes, and personal growth, relevant in therapy with a male therapist.
 

Coping skills don’t break the status quo.

If you’re unhappy in your relationship, if you hate your job, if you feel lonely all the time… ‘going for a walk’ or ‘exercising’ isn’t going to fix a thing. Change is required.

Change is reformative.

Change requires you to identify what is causing you harm and either remove it or modify it. For example, you hate your job so you attempt to modify it to include more tasks you like. Or, you can remove your job from your life (i.e. quit).

An image of a person triumphantly quitting their job. Prioritizing mental health over work. This highlights the importance of self-care, empowerment, and making positive life changes, often supported by a male therapist.

 You can see why people opt for coping skills instead of change.

 

Coping skills are easy. Coping skills offer short-term relief.

Change is hard. Change offers long-term relief.

  

When are coping skills necessary?

1.       When all you need is short-term relief. For example, you need help falling asleep the night before a big presentation at work.

2.       In situations you legitimately can’t change. For example; death of a loved-one, girlfriend breaking up with you, stuck in prison with no chance for parole or escaping.

 
A dog cleverly escaping a kennel, symbolizing the empowerment and freedom gained through effective therapy. This image illustrates the role of a male therapist in helping clients overcome mental barriers and achieve personal growth.
 

 When is change necessary?

1.       When stress/depression is reoccurring and you find yourself in an unhealthy pattern.

2.       When you need relief that lasts for more than a few hours.

 

If you are tired of going through the same pattern of depression/stress/fear and are ready to change, develop a plan and do it. It doesn’t get easier than right now.

Take the First Step

It’s hard to reach out, I get it… But you know what is even harder than reaching out? Staying the same.

So take a chance and schedule an appointment- let’s work together to make your goals a reality.

Tom McCready

Tom is a licensed mental health therapist who specializes in working with men. He believes that regardless of where you are in life, things can get better.

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