How to Make Friends as an Adult

Written By Tom McCready
 
A group of adults gazing at the ocean, representing moments of shared reflection and connection. This scene highlights the importance of community, mindfulness, and finding peace in nature,
 
“Well there is Stephanie, Rachel, Francisco, Chris, Jason......”
— A 3rd grader talking about their friends
“I used to have a cycling buddy in college but I haven’t seen him since he got married.”
— A 30 year old talking about their friends


Notice a difference?

 

It’s completely normal to have fewer friends as we get older. As we focus on careers, settle-down in relationships, and move away, we generally have less free time to devote to friendships.

That being said… things have gotten out of hand.

I mean, it’s gotten so bad that the U.S. surgeon general declared an epidemic of loneliness in 2023.

A GIF of Will Ferrell from "Anchorman" nervously asking, "Is this bad?" This can humorously depict moments of self-doubt and uncertainty, common themes in therapy sessions where a male therapist might help clients navigate their loneliness..

Yes this is bad!

This isn’t one of those articles that you read and suddenly friendships start bouncing up around you. It will take effort.

You’re a future weightlifter reading an article about fitness. Sure, reading about fitness is a good first step but you aren’t going to get in better shape reading. It’s time to lift a dumbbell.

 
Meme that humorously emphasizes the importance of support and camaraderie, both in physical fitness and mental health, highlighting themes often addressed by a male therapist.
 

So here it is, the steps you can take to make friends as an adult (starting with the easiest):

 

1: Identify past friendships that can be rekindled

Go through the contact book on your phone and identify someone you haven’t spoken to in a while. We all love random text messages from people we haven’t heard from in a long time. It’s flattering. It shows us that person still thinks and cares about us.

  • “Hey Sam! I haven’t heard from you in a while! How are things going?”

You’ll get even better results if you make it specific;

  • “Hey Sam! I haven’t heard from you in a while! Are you still painting portraits?”

A GIF of a man painting. This scene highlights the role of art and creativity in mental health, often encouraged by a male therapist as a way to process emotions and foster self-expression.

Feeling even more brave? Send a message and ask them when they are free this week to catch -up.

  • “Hi Sam! I miss seeing you man! You wanna grab dinner Thursday?”


2. Turn an acquaintance into a friend

First step is to identify someone you see regularly. It could be a colleague at work, someone at the gym, or a neighbor you regularly bump into getting your mail. You already know their name and a little bit of surface level information about them. Take that surface level information and ask them a question.

  • “Hey Jen! I always see you with a tennis racket, do you play often?”

  • “Hey Jen! Do you have any fun camping trips planned?”

  • “Hey Jen! Are you single and will you marry me?

 
This meme humorously highlights the bravery required to tackle personal challenges, a key aspect of progress in sessions with a therapist.
 

3. Make a new friend

 

Think about the closest friends you’ve had in your life and how you met them. Odds are you didn’t become best friends the first time you saw them.

Friends are formed from ‘repeated encounters.’

So if you want to make new friends, you need to increase the odds of seeing the same person/group of people more than once.

“Take a class”

I hate how everyone says ‘take a class’ and yet no one tells you how to do it. Classes are expensive. And when I say expensive, I mean really expensive. Pottery class: $60, Yoga class: $25, Cooking class: $75… and you’re telling me I need to ‘repeat’ classes in order to make a friend?? I want a friend, not a mountain of debt…

 
This meme humorously captures the anxiety around financial stress, reflecting common concerns that might be addressed in therapy sessions focused on managing stress and financial wellness.
 

  • Check out your local community center or library. Almost all community centers offer cheap classes to the public. Classes range from line dancing to real estate investing.

  • Look at the schedule at your current gym. Many gyms offer fitness classes for reduced rates for current members (yoga, kickboxing, spin class, etc).

  • Join Meetup. This is the only time you will ever hear me endorse any form of social media. Meetup isn’t about interacting online; it’s about planning and scheduling face-to-face encounters. AND, it enables you to sort by your interests and location. They have groups from flag football to Salsa dancing to learning a foreign language.

    Oh, and it’s free.

  • Find somewhere to volunteer! Make a difference in the community while meeting kind-hearted people? Sign me up.

So there you have it. Now you are left with two choices. You can read more articles on how to make friends… Or you can pick one of these strategies. You can lift a dumbbell. You can take action. You can start to fill your life with positive social interactions AND start feeling energized, loved, and like you belong.

 

So what will you do?

Take the First Step

It’s hard to reach out, I get it… But you know what is even harder than reaching out? Staying the same.

So take a chance and schedule an appointment- let’s work together to make your goals a reality.

 



Sources:

https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf

Tom McCready

Tom is a licensed mental health therapist who specializes in working with men. He believes that regardless of where you are in life, things can get better.

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