The 10 Limitations of Dating Apps
“You’ll never meet someone on a dating app!”
Okay, so I don’t actually know your mom but let’s be real, it sounds like something she might say.
Nowadays, most people know someone who met their partner on a dating app… So obviously dating apps can work. But what is the success rate of long-term relationships?
Probably pretty low since I reached out to 3 different dating apps and asked them that question… The answers I got ranged from, “I’ll get back to you,” to “We believe it’s better than our competitors.”
So apps can work but obviously have some limitations. Let’s dig in.
1. People behave worse online:
Dating apps create a sense of anonymity. It enables people to say things they would NEVER say in person without being held accountable… Mean things. Overtly sexual things. Manipulative things.
Also ghosting... How rude is that? In real life people would never just walk away from you mid-senten-
*walks away
2. More time on your phone:
The average American already spends 1/3 of their waking hours on their smart phone. Do you really want to spend more time on your phone? (BBC News, 2022)
3. Missing Cues:
Have you ever seen someone from across the room and immediately known that you are interested in them? Of course you have. Because in the few seconds that you see them, your brain is picking up hundreds of clues about them. Their posture, their facial expressions, their voice inflections, their hand movements, etc… Even if you aren’t consciously aware of these clues, your brain is using them to determine compatibility.
When you are scrolling through someone’s dating profile, your brain doesn’t have access to these hundreds of clues. It is operating on extremely limited information.
You can learn more about compatibility from seeing someone in-person for 3 seconds than you can from scrolling for 3 hours through their social media pages.
4. Myth of Endless Possibilities:
No matter how many people you swipe through, there will always be another profile underneath. If you’ve been using dating apps for a while, I guarantee you’ve seen some of the same people twice. Hence, the possibilities aren’t actually endless. AND even if they were, you don’t want endless possibilities... You want one quality possibility.
5. Paradox of Choice (AKA the In-n-Out Burger Effect):
Show of hands- who has meticulously read the GIANT menu at Cheescake Factory only to regret what you ordered? 🙋🏽‍♂️🙋🏻‍♂️🙋🏾‍♂️
But… you know where I never regret what I order? In-n-Out. Because the menu has like 2 options.
Hence the In-n-Out Burger Effect: The more perceived choices you have, the less satisfied you are with what you end up choosing… In dating apps it makes it pretty hard to be content with the person you choose when in the back of your mind there are hundreds of other people you could have chosen.
6. Not romantic:
Call me a sucker but I love a good “How we met” story. When you meet someone in-person it feels special.
7. Can increase feelings of loneliness:
So hear me out on this one. Numerous studies have shown that people that use facebook, Instagram, and tik-tok report higher feelings of loneliness than people who don’t use social media. This is because their feeds are full of people sharing their fake perfect lives.
Why would dating apps be any different? You are bombarded with pictures of attractive people having a great time. Meanwhile you are still single on your couch eating a Costco muffin.
8. The more we have of something, the less we value it:
Congratulations! You have 30 new matches! Now how special does each individual match feel?
9. Physical attraction is completely inaccurate:
The people with great pictures often aren’t attractive in real life. You can blame filters. You can blame lighting. You can blame outdated pictures from when they were younger. You can blame global warming. You can blame Obama.
Not sure why you’d blame the last two but whatever 🤷🏻‍♂️
10. Great qualities aren’t highlighted:
Are you smart? Are you financially responsible? Are you a reliable friend? Are you a caring person? Too bad... Because those traits aren’t spotlighted on a dating app. In fact, they aren’t even noticeable.
Dating apps highlight physical physique, sense of humor, and talents that are easy to show-off (think, a picture of someone playing a musical instrument or playing a sport).
11. Bonus- More difficult for men:
The ratio of men to women is skewed. While statistics are hard to find it’s estimated that Tinder is ~75% men and 25% women. Hinge is ~64% men and 36% women. And bumble is ~73% men and 27% women.
That’s a saturated market for men.
In Summary:
Despite how this article reads, I am not anti-dating app. I just REALLY want people to know the limitations that dating apps have. I hear all the time that “The dating pool is empty,” or “No one wants to be with me.”
The issue is not you. Stop internalizing your singleness. You ARE desirable. You HAVE great qualities. People WANT to date you. You just haven’t been able to connect with the right people.
If you’ve used dating apps and haven’t been able to find the right person, now is not the time to give up. Now is the time to change your mode of searching.
Take the First Step
It’s hard to reach out, I get it… But you know what is even harder than reaching out? Staying the same.
So take a chance and schedule an appointment- let’s work together to make your goals a reality.
Citations:
1: https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-59952557
